When they get it wrong

My daughter is fat?

Okay, so I’ll admit it, I hate the Health Department screenings at school.  Mainly because they end up sending me the same letter every year.  “Your daughter requires medical attention for her vision.”  Well, she wears glasses, so duh.  But they make her remove her glasses for the test, go figure.  This system then requires that I have her eye doctor sign a letter to the effect that she is under his care for her vision issues.

But this year I got a bonus.  They labeled my daughter as at risk for obesity based on the BMI.  Seriously?  This is a kid who wears a size 4 and dances 20 hours a week.  What she is is 5’3” of solid muscle.  She could probably lift my SUV off the ground.  They suggested medical intervention.  Again I ask, seriously?  Apparently they look at a formula and not at the child.  See . . .

  

 Not at risk for obesity.  Guess no one at the health department ever heard that muscle weighs more than fat.

This sort of generalization is, IMHO, harsh and can cause low self-esteem in a child.  Great, that’s all they need when they’re in high school and appearance is everything.  What do they want?  Everyone larger than a size 2 to develop an eating disorder?

So silly.

The Land of Way Back

I’ll fess up, that’s an Amy Fetzer phrase, I stole it because I love it.  It’s so functional.  So where can you go in the Land of Way Back?  Well you can remind someone of a discussion or incident way back that they can’t remember it.  Or in my hubby’s case, just don’t bother remembering it.  And while I’m on the subject of men, why do they think ovaries are some sort of homing device.  “I can’t find my belt.”  Well then let me turn on my magic ovaries and they’ll point the way to whatever it is you’ve misplaced.  Said thing usually being in plain sight.

But the writing Land of Way Back is catching up to me as well.  eBook reprints.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love any opportunity to make money, but seeing books I wrote 20 years ago makes me cringe.  I’d like to think I’ve gotten better.  At least they’re all Kelsey Roberts books, so people may not get the connection – well, except for the fact that I just pointed it out in my post. 

In the Land of Way back, everything was done by hand, so mistakes were more prevalent than they are now.  Covers seem dated, Fabio wannabes.  In the Land of Way Back I never survived an interview – TV or Radio – where I wasn’t asked if I knew Fabio.  Seriously?  I am acquainted with Nora Roberts but it’s Fabio making the headlines?  That Land of Way Back wasn’t so good.

In the Land of Way Back I had to do art fact sheets for Harlequin.  Worse than coughing up a lung.  Way Back we had to pick three scenes and describe the characters, setting, tone, mood and sensuality level of the book.  We had to include a synopsis.  And we had to do it all by hand and mail it to Canada.  I understand Harlequin Authors can now accomplish this via a private portal no problem.  In the Land of Way, WAY Back, we often didn’t see our covers until the book hit the shelves.  Why?  Well HQ wanted to make sure we were only suing the images for promotion.  What else were we going to do with them but promote.  In Romance, it’s all about the bookmarks and gifts to bribe readers.

Recently Way Back, book trailers were all the rage.  Now they’re a dime a dozen and often the author has spent a significant amount of money on said trailers.  The best advice I got was from the marketing director at Simon & Schuster – they’re cute and fun If the introduce the protagonist/villain, but they should be neutral enough to be relevant for the duration of the series.  I followed his advice http://www.RhondaPollero.com

So I’m now trying to figure out what the next thing in publishing will be in the Land of Way back . . . I’m sensing it will have something to do with digital issues.

A while back . . .

5 Star review  my foot . . .

I love my husband.  My husband loves promotions.  I do not, but we’ve come to an agreement over the years – I’ll go along with him once every 5 years or so to one of those hard-sell timeshare presentations.  So, he gets a call a couple of months ago from Consolidated Resorts, Inc. inviting us to spend 4 days in Orlando.  Since we live 2 hours from Orlando and since my brother-in-law works for Disney so we get into the parks for free, I agreed.  Consolidated claimed they’d be putting us up in a 5 star resort/spa.  It was going to cost me 2 hours of my life on a promotional tour, so, okay. 

So, we arrive at The Regal Palms and are assigned our ‘luxury townhome.’  You get what you pay for.  The place was filthy.  I could overlook the hideous décor (I don’t think there was a stick of real wood in the place – a tribute to veneer and laminates).  I could overlook the balcony and patio that didn’t have any furniture so the best you could do was stand outside.  I could overlook the 4 towels.  But I’d paid a cleaning fee of $54.00.  I can only assume that the person who stayed before me failed to pay the fee because the pots and pans were crusted with food and there was dried, caked food in the carpet.  The carpet that was once beige but is now so stained it isn’t really any color known in nature.  The same carpet that was installed improperly because the carpet tacks shredded your feet at the entrances to all the bathrooms.

But hey, it’s Disney, so we weren’t going to be in the room for long.  On the next to last day we had to attend the sales pitch.  We were greeted by a person and then sent in a room for coffee and doughnuts.  Only problem?  No chairs – obviously a theme with this place.  Then we were called into a room with tables and chairs and a big Las Vegas styled wheel in the front.  The salesman seated us and then told us all about his family, his past, his record promotion business, his MBA dreams and his extended family back in Ethiopia.  The guest speaker circulated – shaking hands and pretending sincerity.  He repeated everyone’s name 3 times during conversations – a trick right out of the Rotarian handbook.  Almost all his jokes were old and referenced how men are whipped by marriage – you know – “I lost 125 pounds last year . . . I got a divorce.” 

We told the sales guy that we weren’t the least bit interested and that even if we had been interested, seeing the dirty room and the unkempt property would have turned us off from the get go.  He didn’t listen and just pressed on with his prepared speech.  We explained our vacation habits and again he didn’t listen – asking us inane things like “Wouldn’t it be nice if you could have more than 2 weeks of vacation a year?”  – This was asked after we’d told him we average 5 weeks a year and that my husband is retired and I’m a writer so we have all the flexibility in the world.  He blamed the poor state of the property on the fact that it had been built by an English company and Brits didn’t know how to maintain a property.  Bad idea – my father was from Bermuda.  But his crowning insult came when my husband ventured a guess about the prices they were charging.  My husband’s guess was 10K to low and when my husband said he thought that was an inflated price the guy said, “Well, you probably can’t afford it anyway.”  Hummmmmmmmm, never a good idea to see how many times you can insult a person when you’re trying to sell them a 39K condo share with an almost $700.00 annual maintenance fee. 

We said no thanks but hard sell being hard sell, over comes his ‘manager’.  She actually said, ‘If you aren’t interested, why are you here?”  Um, because it was required?  But that wasn’t the funny part for me – I was highly amused by her British accent – I guess she’s the one who made sure the grass was brown and covered with fire ant hills.

So, if you’re ever invited to visit a property managed by Consolidated Resorts, Inc.  don’t believe Alan Thicke (He’s their headliner celebrity endorsement).  Or Tanya Roberts.  Or David Faustino.  Or George Wallace.  Or whoever those other D-list celebrities were posted up on their walls.  Unless, of course, you want to stay in a dirty resort, poorly appointed resort to be harassed by rude, aggressive sales people who have the listening skills of a toddler.

We just got another invitation from them in the mail.  Seriously?  I'd rather remove my own spleen with a fork than revisit that horrid resort hell.

New is better?

(Hang on, this does have something about writing in it)  I’m taking the plunge this week into the scary world of cable company whole house Wi-Fi.  I feel like I’m cheating on a friend.  I’ve been a loyal AT&T user my entire life.  My father was a lifelong employee of AT&T.  I inherited the AT&T gene.  But it’s time for change.

And it’s not just AT&T that I’m abandoning.  I’m also booting DIRECTV.  Again, a loyal customer for more than 10 years but I can’t stand the service now that I live in Florida.  With every storm the system goes down.  The foliage grows so fast that we have to trim constantly to clear a path for the dish. Way too much trouble.

So off I venture into these uncharted waters.  And I’m dragging my technology-challenged husband with me.  He’s very afraid.  He doesn’t do change well and he resists having to learn channel changes and all things associated with switching systems.  Too bad.  I am the technology queen, so we’re doing it my way.  And I’m saving a ton of money.  We already have cable and a dish, so dumping one of them will make my wallet happy. 

Change can be good.  I’ve learned to embrace change.  I’ve had 17 editors in 20 years.  I’m not a problem child, I’m just the fertility goddess of editors.  I even had dinner with someone else’s editor and she ended up pregnant.  But I’m on a roll now.  I’ve had the same editor for 2 years.  A first for me.  The problem with the editor mambo is being orphaned to someone who didn’t buy you.  She/he may not like what you’re writing.  That’s always a risk.  But it’s only happened to me once and that was enough.  Now I know to ask the new editor if she/he wants any changes before I turn in the book.  I want them to feel as if they’ve had input so they’ll be a little attached to the project.  It seems to work well that way.  At least it has for me.

But what do you do if you and your editor are a bad match?  That happens and it can be very frustrating.  Well, solution one id to ask to be placed with another editor.  Sometimes that can get you labeled a diva, sometimes the editor is relieved to have you switch.  But remember, sometimes the devil you know is better than the alternative.  I’m a fan of suck it up.  If I have a less than wonderful relationship with an editor, I normally just ask myself one question – is she/he still buying my work?  If the answer is yes, then I keep my head down and just do my job.  If, however, your editor is rejecting all your proposals, you’ve got a problem.  Then it’s definitely time to editor shop.  Time is money in this business.  If your editor is dragging her/his heels and keeping you from making sales, then you have to rethink your priorities. 

The above scenario is, IMHO, the best reason in the world to have an agent.  Your agent can normally negotiate you over to another editor and you don’t come off as a whiner.  Plus, your agent has a vested interest in you making a sale.  Commissions are their livelihood so they want you working.  And don’t forget, your agent knows the editors and can probably steer you toward the right editor for you.  I, for example, want a hefty edit.  I want each book to be the best it can be so I want it to be scrutinized by someone else.  I’m not so attached to my own words that I’m unwilling to make a change.  Most editors I’ve worked with really want the book to succeed.  Their input is the best thing to happen to your work.  A friend once reminded me that the book wasn’t being released with a tape of what I meant it to be but rather what was on the page.  Sometimes I drop a thread or fail to tie up a lose end and those are the kinds of things a good editor will spot.  Many editors are nice enough to offer suggestions for a revision.  I like that too.  I may not use the suggestion but it will get me thinking about possible ways to revise.  Revisions are not the enemy.  Embrace change.  Learn from it and move forward.

Revisions are a good thing

Notice I didn’t say easy, just good.  A second pair of eyes looking at the manuscript really illustrates how close you are to your own work.  I can’t tell you how many times I cringe when my editor finds a stupid mistake, a misspelling or a dropped thread.  I think that’s because when I proof my own stuff, I know what it’s supposed to say so my eyes don’t see the obvious.

I’ve published 40 books and only twelve have gone directly into production.   The others have always needed a second look.  Luckily for me, only one book ever needed a major rewrite but in my defense, it was continuity and an author before me had killed off a character and no one told me.  So, I had to go back in and redo the plot without said character.

I have some revision pet peeves.  First, the whole point of revisions is to make the book better.  I hate it when I hear people say “I’m not changing that” or “What does he/she know?”  Well he or she knows books.  Secondly, there’s a delete key for a reason.  It’s easy to cut stuff you don’t love but it’s another thing to cut a scene/paragraph/sentence you like and is good.  But if it screws up the pacing or feels out of place, time to slash that good thing.  Remember, you didn’t write the thing in granite, you have the power to work in tandem with your editor to make sure your book is the best it can be.

I rarely stet (stet means you aren’t making the change, put it back the way it was) a comment.  Because of that, when I do stet something, I normally don’t get any flack.  I just keep remembering something a friend once told me – if it isn’t clear on the page, it doesn’t matter how good or bad it is since the book doesn’t come with a cassette (dating myself again) explaining what I actually meant.

If it makes you feel better, call it polishing.  In effect, that’s what you’re doing.